Tender Mercies

Some days when I am reading autobiographies written by incarcerated women, my heart hurts. Like more than just a little. A lot. So many of these women have endured so much, and the injustices, the traumas, the pain, and the sadness of their stories could easily overwhelm me.

Last night it occurred to me that if I feel this way simply reading about their lives, how much more desperate they must feel having lived through their lives. The realization that they spend so much of their time in jail thinking about, talking about, and writing about the most negative parts of their lives becomes apparent.

Then something else occurred to me that when I have had my most difficult and darkest times, someone has touched my life for good and in a way that inspired me to try – even if it was just for one more day. Even now as I think about these people tears fill my eyes, gratitude fills my heart, and I feel blessed. I realize my thank yous will never be sufficient to express how much these people mean to me. I think how much their kindness, honesty, firmness, tenderness, and love continues to touch my life. All I have to do is think of these people and I experience the feelings again and know that they saw something in me worth noticing, even when I had given up on myself. I am truly blessed.

So today, the women and I did something different.

I explained we were going to think about something different this afternoon. I asked them to think of a person, past or current, alive or deceased, who inspired them at a time in their lives when they were most down, the most lost, the most devastated the most hopeless. I explained that this person could have been someone they knew for a long time or someone who only paused briefly in their life. The heads began to nod and the tears began to flow.

One woman said she could think of no one. I asked her to think harder. One said she needed longer to think and that the assignment was far too hard. I asked her to take a deep breath and think harder. One woman left the group in tears, but returned later to participate after composing herself.

After taking time to write about the person that influenced them, several women shared their experiences. These women were reminded that even with all of the ugly, there was good in their lives. By the time we finished, the women’s reactions and comments inspired me to include this exercise as an assignment for each woman to complete in the program.

Tender mercies appear every day.

Interestingly, after finishing this post, I came across my horoscope for the day. “There's a wealth of knowledge and experience you can tap into for your benefit, but you have to be willing to go deep into your own psyche. You're both the teacher and the student, the guide and the guided. Now would be a great time to go somewhere quiet and peaceful where you can access all the wisdom you have to offer.”

Again, I am made aware of a larger plan and the importance of these women in jail.

In Another's Shoes

As I mentioned I work as a therapist/substance abuse counselor at a jail. The women I work with have lead difficult lives. These women are addicts. These women have tough exteriors and are not afraid to use their skills, which include manipulating, intimidating, blaming, and lying, to avoid the negative consequences of their choices and behaviors.

As each woman discusses her resentments, she is angry and full of indignation, knowing that others hurt her, and therefore, she is somehow justified in her addictions and criminal behaviors. However, it is always amazing to me to see the change in these same women when the topic shifts to the impact of their behaviors on others.

I watched today as one woman, who uses sarcasm and humor especially well at disguising any real vulnerable emotion, dissolve into tears when she realized all the people she hurt through the course of her addiction, especially her siblings, nieces, and nephews. I was touched at her willingness to be objective, to put herself in another’s shoes, and to be empathetic.

Most of us do not enjoy thinking about, let alone admitting to others that we have injured another, especially if the injuries and/or pains were a result of our actions or behaviors, regardless of whether intentional, or not.

I am so grateful for a job that continually reminds me of things I sometimes take for granted, my relationships with people and how my actions and behaviors affect those people. I can only hope to make the changes necessary to improve my relationships with those who mean so much to me. I continue to make a conscious effort, hoping they will know my heart.

A Beginning

A dear friend created this blog site for me so the world can hear my voice. Wow, I hope I have something worth saying. I must admit that I am excited to step out of my comfort zone and learn how to blog.

When my friend notified me that she had created this site she said, “Get it? The couch? Social worker?” I am thrilled with the concept, her creativeness, her kindness, and especially, the most superior spectacular couch.

Yes, I am a social worker and I absolutely love the couch!!

The greatest part about this couch is that it is bright, inviting, and it seems to be bringing such JOY to the person “using” the couch. I desire to help people rediscover happiness and joy in their lives. In fact, I hope those who allow me to accompany them on their journey through life will discover many reasons to jump for joy.

A little vague information about me.

I graduated from the University of Utah MSW (Master of Social Work) program last year. I have passed my licensure test, and I am now accumulating the hours required for my “L” in LCSW.

I am a therapist with an incarcerated women’s addiction program, and I am learning much about the jail lifestyle, like food, make-up, hopes, dreams, and challenges. I have a great deal of empathy, compassion, and hope for the women I work with; however, it is balanced by a huge dose of realism.

There are days I wished life was a little more fair and lot less complicated. My work teaches me to be grateful for what I have; less judgmental about people and situations; the need to work hard and play hard; and how much I appreciate those who touch my life for good.

Thank you, you are appreciated and loved more than you may ever know.